One of Those Days

Yesterday was one of "those" days.

There was no real reason for it, but I just woke up and immediately felt...not my best. 

My neck is still causing my grief (I say my neck but according to the chiro and massage therapist it is more my right trapezoid, pecs and something in my shoulder blade) which makes doing darn near anything minimally uncomfortable to down right painful. 

I weighed myself (bad idea bad idea...I was already in a cranky mood) and felt really disgusted with myself. (My clothes are still fitting just fine, so it is possible that I am creating some muscle with some of the exercise) . But lets be real: the point is to lose some weight not gain weight, so any number on a scale that is bigger than the last number on the scale can play lots of mental mind games. 

Then I looked for a job. 

Mill worker, granite fabricator, maintenance technician, sales, CNA, retail, and RANCH Worker, Animal and Hay. This is just a snip of the unemployment department's job listing, but all the other job listing sites offer us a similar mix of truck driver, medical field, sales and industrial. This was extra disheartening to me yesterday, because, I was already in a negative mindset. 

I debated going to the gym. Monday is yoga day, and I thought I could probably do that without causing more injury to my neck/shoulder, but I didn't really want to and what if I did hurt it more? Every little movement hurts as it is! 

I thought long and hard about going, or not going. And I pulled from my memory banks sayings like the ones above. You will never regret a workout. You know you always feel better after a workout, always. Just two weeks ago your yoga class changed your whole day. JUST GO. 

So before I could change my mind or talk myself out of it, I threw my clothes on and got out the door. Because it's true: getting out the door is always the hardest part. 

Yoga was pretty good. It wasn't earth shattering, but I went, I was careful with the poses and didn't push myself too hard. I got a nice compliment from my instructor on warrior two pose. 

(source)

There is always thing to work on in yoga, to focus on. Keeping the front shin/calf straight and leaning into that front hip, keeping the hips aligned are all part of what the focus of warrior two is (among other things). 

After yoga, I headed home for a quick shower and then to the chiro for another massage and adjustment. I had a new massage therapist. She had really great energy for me yesterday. She is also a yogi, so we were able to incorporate some of the common language of yoga to help discuss stretches I should do, breathing I should do to help with the massage, and she also has a similar mindset to my typical mindset. She was half counselor/half massage therapist. It was really helpful for me to hear someone else saying to me the things that I often say to myself and to others. 

See, the universe really does know what we need, even when we aren't necessarily in the right frame of mind. 

My chiropractor also gave me a little pep talk and told me to quit being so damn hard on myself. I love that about her. 

I often suffer from an all or nothing mentality, and this neck/shoulder pain thing is, well painful, but that pain can also cause stress (stress can make the pain worse, too), but also it is a mental thing because I am trying so hard to stay motivated to keep my activity up, to focus on being active to be healthy and to lose weight, that this pain issue makes me so frustrated! I feel like a big roadblock has been thrown up in my path and that just as I am mentally in a good place to be active and start doing it, then BOOM, physical issues that want to stop me. 

And then I think of something like this:

(source)

Oh, Randy Pausch...you are so right on. 

Did the rest of my day turn around and become amazing? No. Not really. But I was no longer in a mental fight with myself. I DID go to yoga, I did take care of myself, I did eat healthy. 

Today, I am still in pain and I have a day of homework ahead of me.

But I am not in the same place I was yesterday, mentally. Some days we just have those days and it is so helpful to have friends and care providers that can give us a virtual slap and tell us to snap out of it. 

I'm not sure if this post made any sense, but I guess the bottom line is that we all have days like "those" despite our best efforts to be positive and to think positive, and that it is okay to have those days. It is also really great that the people I have in my life understand me and have a similar belief system and are able to tell me the things I already know, because sometimes it helps to have someone else say it. 

Thankfully, today is a new day and I am going to let go of yesterday. 

Almost a month?

Hello my friends!

I can not believe it has been nearly a month since I last posted on this blog. I will tell you that figuing out my schedule with school, and both blogs, and life, and cooking healthy has been a bit more challenging that I at first anticipated.

I have not, and am not, giving up my quest to live life each day! To grab ahold and pursue my deepest wants and desires.

I have been stumbling a bit the past few weeks, though, that is true!

Here is what I'm DOING about it!

I have gotten back into the habit of doing much more food prep work on the weekends, and making lunches the night before I have early morning classes. I am doing simple things like getting the coffee ready the night before. These LITTLE steps are immensely helpful to me. Otherwise, I end up with no time and no food and subject to whatever I can find on campus, or Chris is subject to whatever crappy drive through he can find. This is NOT acceptable to me, and so I am consciously making the effort on weekends and evenings when I have more time to do SOMETHING VALUABLE with it!

Gee...what a concept!

Also, I am working on getting back to daily exercise. This, also, has been such a challenge! Here is my conundrum of exercise. I really don't like it. I never have.

Yes, I LOVE to feel strong and energetic and healthy! But I very strongly dislike what I have to do to get there....and I dislike strongly that I have to do it FOREVER. These thoughts are so self-defeating for me. I have a very difficult time (and have had a very difficult time my entire life) overcoming these self-imposed objections.

Plus, I KNOW the health benefits of exercise. I KNOW I feel better after. I just have a very difficult time motivating myself to do it. Even with all the big reasons.

A few weeks ago I challenged myself to do 20 minutes of exercise 5 daays of the week. I did I think two or three. The following week I kept the same challenge, and I think I did four days. This past week I did nothing. Why? I do not know.

This next week, I have a goal to do at least 20 minutes of exercise 5 days of the week. I feel like if I can get a routine going doing this for 20-30 minutes, for two or three weeks continuously, then I will be able to increase both the intensity and duration.

In the meantime, in an effort to clean up what had become some very messy food habits (too much sugar, too much wine, too much...) I started a 14 day cleanse on November 1st. I usually lose weight, but so far I haven't. I am not sure if that is because I am not exercising and normally I do, or if it is because the food has been a little different than I normally do.

This next week the plan is to have my lemon water, then my cleanse fiber shake, then a green juice, then some oatmeal (green juice will not hold me till lunch). Lunches will be greens with chopped veggies, and some beans and rice thrown in for some filler (topped with lemon juice). I also have made a big batch of lentil soup which I hope to use throughout the week. Dinners will be vegs, salads, grains, beans and maybe fish.

Part of me insprining myself, and my own light, is learning how to survive the changes that occur in life. I am a very routine oriented person. When my routine gets thrown off by not being in school, and then being in school, or whatever the change is, it takes me several weeks to adjust. I don't flow easily from one routine to another.

This is a personal challenge for me. To work on adjusting to the time change, my school schedule (which will change every 11 weeks!!) and to not allow these changes to derail my own plans!

I have goals:

I want to get out of the weight decade I'm in and get into the lower decade by the end of the year.
I want to enjoy the holidays, but not OVERly enjoy the holidays.
I have a half marathon (that I have done zero training for) in June. I need to start planning for that.

I need to find my own motivation, inspiration and light and blast it out to the world!

And sometimes we just need to remember this:

(source)

Yup! Time to get off my ass...and get to work! The life I want won't magically happen without some work people!

Have a great weekend! Don't forget to set your clocks back, enjoy your extra sleep, and then...get off your ass! :-)